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Today's Topic: List Moms
Mar. 2nd, 2009 11:36 amThis is being posted here, in my live journal, and not in some group somewhere for a couple of reasons. First, it applies to more than one group. Secondly, it may apply to groups I am not aware of.
This is an open letter to my fellow ‘list moms’.
Though, I really hate that term. I myself prefer ‘list captain’. It’s gender neutral, and probably more accurate.
So, here’s the deal. Let’s consider: If you’re a mom of a list, that means the members of your list are your ‘list children’. Other owners are like siblings; moderators are like cousins or something.
Should a parent ever treat one child better than the other? I would have to say no. If your answer is yes, then you shouldn’t be a list mom.
Does this mean you can’t spank naughty children? No… within reason… however, there is a line to be drawn and you still have to love them. Even that bratty child that tests your patience should be loved.
List owners are arbitrators; they need to make decisions without taking sides.
Let me repeat that.
They need to make the rules. They need to enforce the rules. They need to make decisions.
They should not 'take sides'. This will tear the virtual family apart.
They need to be nurturing of ALL of the members. They need to embrace as much neutrality as possible.
There is unfortunately not a manual that needs to be read or a course to be taken or a video to be watched before one starts a group online; same goes for parenting, really – there’s helpful info out there, but no one is required to read a book before they start a family.
That’s not an excuse for being a bad parent. Even the tiniest bit of common sense goes a long way.
Please feel free to pass this link on to your friends – to those who are group owners/list moms/etc., or ever intend to be. To those doing a good job, or really crapping things up. To those having an easy time of things, or a difficult run.
Those doing a great job will likely agree with me. Those doing a shitty job won’t. Those who are delusional, thinking they’re doing a great job but really doing a shitty job, will think they are doing this, won’t really be, and who knows what it is that they’ll think of this. Those this is addressed to probably won’t ever read this or realize who they are. No matter what – I’m not interested in anyone’s comments in relation to this, but do feel free to pass it around. It is what it is – the advice of a counselor who accidentally ended up running some groups.
PS -- A special note to Alex, who seems to have thought many months ago that a message regarding dragons was aimed at her. It wasn't. There were... others... with literally dozens and dozens of dragons, killing my internet connection, that that was in reference to (who have since been unfriended so I don't have to deal with that anymore). So, on the off chance that you might think this has anything to do with you? It doesn't. You're a wonderful list mom. Just wanted to mention that, just in case. I would hope you would know you're an awesome list mom/site owner, but, in the case of whatever, I figured I should let you know so that there's not a communication problem like last time (and Dark can vouch for me on the dragon thing, because I actually referenced you on what good dragon owners do when she called me after she read the initial post). That's all.
This is an open letter to my fellow ‘list moms’.
Though, I really hate that term. I myself prefer ‘list captain’. It’s gender neutral, and probably more accurate.
So, here’s the deal. Let’s consider: If you’re a mom of a list, that means the members of your list are your ‘list children’. Other owners are like siblings; moderators are like cousins or something.
Should a parent ever treat one child better than the other? I would have to say no. If your answer is yes, then you shouldn’t be a list mom.
Does this mean you can’t spank naughty children? No… within reason… however, there is a line to be drawn and you still have to love them. Even that bratty child that tests your patience should be loved.
List owners are arbitrators; they need to make decisions without taking sides.
Let me repeat that.
They need to make the rules. They need to enforce the rules. They need to make decisions.
They should not 'take sides'. This will tear the virtual family apart.
They need to be nurturing of ALL of the members. They need to embrace as much neutrality as possible.
There is unfortunately not a manual that needs to be read or a course to be taken or a video to be watched before one starts a group online; same goes for parenting, really – there’s helpful info out there, but no one is required to read a book before they start a family.
That’s not an excuse for being a bad parent. Even the tiniest bit of common sense goes a long way.
Please feel free to pass this link on to your friends – to those who are group owners/list moms/etc., or ever intend to be. To those doing a good job, or really crapping things up. To those having an easy time of things, or a difficult run.
Those doing a great job will likely agree with me. Those doing a shitty job won’t. Those who are delusional, thinking they’re doing a great job but really doing a shitty job, will think they are doing this, won’t really be, and who knows what it is that they’ll think of this. Those this is addressed to probably won’t ever read this or realize who they are. No matter what – I’m not interested in anyone’s comments in relation to this, but do feel free to pass it around. It is what it is – the advice of a counselor who accidentally ended up running some groups.
PS -- A special note to Alex, who seems to have thought many months ago that a message regarding dragons was aimed at her. It wasn't. There were... others... with literally dozens and dozens of dragons, killing my internet connection, that that was in reference to (who have since been unfriended so I don't have to deal with that anymore). So, on the off chance that you might think this has anything to do with you? It doesn't. You're a wonderful list mom. Just wanted to mention that, just in case. I would hope you would know you're an awesome list mom/site owner, but, in the case of whatever, I figured I should let you know so that there's not a communication problem like last time (and Dark can vouch for me on the dragon thing, because I actually referenced you on what good dragon owners do when she called me after she read the initial post). That's all.
