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zhiefic that won't make sense without reading the first part under cut
Haldir was standing beneath a large tree with his hands on his hips, his expression one of great annoyance, when Glorfindel happened upon his cousin. “Nice tree,” remarked Glorfindel. Haldir mumbled something under his breath that Glorfindel did not quite catch, so Glorfindel just nodded. “Have you seen Erestor this afternoon?”
Another curse, this one fairly audible left Haldir’s lips. “Elrond is stitching up a cut on his hand. Nothing serious.”
“Of course not. Any time you need to get the resident healer involved, it cannot be too serious.” Glorfindel watched Haldir for some other reaction or comment, but when none came, he looked up to the spot that Haldir was staring at. “Should I even ask what happened?” He had noted that one of Erestor’s favorite robes was wadded up on the ground near the tree, and Haldir’s clothes had grass stains on them, not to mention a little blood (which he assumed to be Erestor’s).
“Squirrel,” was the only answer Glorfindel received.
“Oh.” Glorfindel had turned his head to look at Haldir as he said this, which happened to be the exact time that a large nut came flying towards his head. The blond, without even looking, reached upwards and caught the object in his hand, crushing it a moment later by simply squeezing it. “Walnut. My favorite,” he said as he opened his palm.
Haldir blinked. “How did you—“
Glorfindel shrugged, and began to pick through the debris, munching on the edible pieces. “Do I really need an explanation? I mean, you know who I am, right? Balrog slayer, nazgul scarer... I am actually surprised that you are being bested by a squirrel.”
Haldir narrowed his eyes. “Funny, the way I remember the story, your squirrel bested you, too.”
“My squirrel?”
“By squirrel, I mean balrog.”
Glorfindel narrowed his eyes in return. “I was going to offer to share this with you, but now you can get your own.” A second nut flew out of the tree. Glorfindel caught it and frowned. “You have any more walnuts up there?” A little chattering noise followed. “No, I hate pecans. How about almonds?” A light colored nut shot down. Glorfindel caught this one, and tossed the pecan back up. “Thanks.” He started to walk away, but Haldir stopped him.
“How did you do that? You were not speaking in squirrel talk!”
“Squirrel talk?” Glorfindel looked at Haldir as if he had grown a second head. “This is not Middle-earth, Haldir. The squirrels in Aman can understand us.”
“But...” Haldir shook his head. “That makes no sense!”
“Because you speak Sindarin. Try it in Quenya.” Glorfindel cracked the almond between his thumb and index finger, then tossed the nut up into the air and caught it in his mouth. “Oh, and watch out.”
“Watch out for what?” A split second later, a hazelnut smacked Haldir in the side of the head.
“That.” Glorfindel tossed the shells into the damp grass and leaves that were on the ground and called out, “How about one for the road?”
A single almond launched from the tree. Glorfindel had to back up a little in order to grab it, but he still managed to, and cracked it with his bare hands as he walked away.
“How in blazes does he do that?” wondered Haldir. The former warden looked up at the tree. “For that matter, how do you do that?”
He swore he heard the squirrel laugh at him.
“Look, as soon as Erestor gets back, he and I are going to get a ladder. We are going to tear off every single leaf from this tree to get to you if we have to!” Haldir considered what he had just said. “Actually, that sounded a lot better when I was angrier... oh, wait, Quenya, not Sindarin.” He then repeated his entire statement, but in Quenya, then waited for a reply – which came in the form of a pecan. This time, he managed to dodge out of the way.
“How is it going?” Erestor approached, his left hand wrapped in linen and held close.
“Glorfindel just helped the squirrel make me look stupider. By the way, he was looking for you.”
“The squirrel?”
“No, Glorfindel was. The squirrel is a girl, remember?”
“Oh, right.” Erestor gave the approximate area of the tree he believed the squirrel to be in a harsh look. “Elrond refused to let us bring the ladder out here. Something about not wanting to have to set any broken bones tonight.”
With a look of determination, Haldir set his hands upon his hips again. “This is not over. There must be another way for us to conquer this foe.”
Sometimes, when he still doubted the fact he was Haldir’s father, Erestor only needed to remember how stubborn his son was, and all uncertainties dissolved like mist on a sunny day. “We could... burn it down. We could chop down the tree; Gimli would only too happily help us with that.”
“There has to be a way to take care of that damned critter without hurting the tree,” said Haldir.
“I thought you knew how to talk to trees,” recalled Erestor.
Haldir nodded. “I would have talked to this one, but he has been taking a nap.”
“All day?”
“All year. Trees never do anything quickly.”
“Indeed.” Erestor looked the tree up and down. “We could put a cat up there, and hope it gets your squirrel before the squirrel knocks it unconscious. I am uncertain of how humane that would be for the cat.”
The latest idea caused Haldir to smile smugly. “A cat... perfect. There are cats in the barn.” He gave Erestor an expectant look.
“I suppose you are nominating me to go and get one,” he assumed.
“You are already injured. Those barn cats are biters, and their claws are very sharp. Besides,” added Haldir. “You talk to animals. Maybe you can just lure one over here.”
“A cat? I think not. You do understand that animals all speak their own languages, right? I might be old and learned, but I cannot speak to every single species. Especially not cats – they guard their language with a fierce amount of secrecy. They hardly even speak to each other!”
“I just assumed... I mean, cats are so common,” added Haldir.
Erestor sighed. “I will be right back.”
It was twenty minutes before Erestor returned, holding a hissing, spitting cat in his outstretched arms. He was now sporting a number of angry scratches along his arms, and a few across his neck. “I do hope this works,” he said sincerely as he reached up and placed the cat on the tallest branch he could reach.
The cat yowled twice before realizing it had been released. An almond was loosed as a warning shot, hitting the leaves near the cat. With a sudden jerk, the cat crouched down, glanced around, and then leaped to the ground – and kept running long after Erestor and Haldir gave up chasing it.
“I am so tired,” admitted Haldir as they watched the cat bound beyond the barn and down to the pasture where the goats were meandering. He sat down in the grass, and Erestor sat down beside him. “Of course, if I take a nap, that means listening to that THING throwing stuff at my window.”
Before Erestor could come up with a suitable response, something hit him in the back of the head. “Oh, honestly!” He picked up the pecan that was on the ground and rubbed his head. “This is getting ridiculous! We must be, what, a quarter kilometer away!”
“Someone needs to recruit that squirrel for their rugby team.”
After a moment of shared laughter, Erestor patted Haldir on the back. “There is one good thing about having parents who live in different houses, you know.”
“What would that be?”
“I have never had a problem with psychotic squirrels at my cottage,” said Erestor. “I still have shared custody despite the fact you are over three thousand years old, right?”
Haldir laughed. “Four thousand, but who keeps track? Let me go grab a few things.” He stood up and started to jog towards the house. Haldir stopped and turned back around. “Hey, and uh, thanks for your help, Eres—er, um, Ada.” It still felt a little weird to use the term for Erestor, but Haldir was getting used to it, and hoped it was what his old mentor wanted.
If the smile on Erestor’s face was any indication, it was. “Go on, then. I will wait for you right here.”
A little while later, as Erestor sat in the grass watching the sun set, he heard someone approach from behind him. “There you are. Did you manage to catch your squirrel?”
“The squirrel is not mine, and no. The quest failed. We have given up, and are going to head back to the cottage. He is tired, and I am frustrated that a squirrel managed to best us both,” explained Erestor.
“Sounds like an adventure. Sorry I missed it.” Glorfindel gave a sharp whistle, and a rustling came from the tree. As an almond sailed through the air, Erestor shook his head. The nut was caught by Glorfindel, and he opened it as he had with the others.
“Stop encouraging her,” insisted Erestor when Glorfindel whistled again. “Besides, that is her stash for the winter.”
Glorfindel chuckled. “You do know that is one of Gildor’s trained pets.”
“I do now! Why did you not tell me?”
“I was going to, as soon as I found you. And, here you are – oh, Erestor, I have news for you about the squirrel that is vexing Haldir.”
“Go... climb a tree,” muttered Erestor.
“It can juggle, too.”
“Well, tell it to get out of that tree by tomorrow or it becomes an ex-juggling squirrel,” suggested Erestor. “Now, if you will excuse me—wait, it can really juggle?”
Glorfindel cracked a smile. “No, I just wanted to see how long you would buy that. Well, have fun, I promised Gildor I would capture his runaway squirrel and bring her back.”
“Good. Haldir will be thrilled.” As an afterthought, Erestor added, “Would you mind asking her not to throw anything at the house, just in case she ever escapes and ends up here again?”
“Sure, but I doubt that would do much good,” said Glorfindel.
“Oh. Still going to throw things no matter what, then?”
Glorfindel shook his head. “No. She does not throw them. She kicks them. I suppose if you had asked her to stop kicking them at—“
“Go away. Go now, or I am liable to kick YOU.”
“As you wish.” Glorfindel strolled away towards the tree. “By the way,” he called out to Erestor, “there is a cat that is very pissed off at both of you. He was plotting against you; something about a dead bird on your pillow. You might want to sleep with your bedroom windows closed tonight.”
Erestor looked over his shoulder and blinked incredulously. “The cat told you that?”
“He was telling anyone who would listen.”
“But how did you—“
“All these years of knowing me, and you still have to ask?”
“Never mind,” mumbled Erestor. “Just make sure that squirrel is out of that tree by morning.”
Glorfindel smiled, the mischief in his eyes hidden from Erestor once he had turned around. “But of course.”
Haldir was standing beneath a large tree with his hands on his hips, his expression one of great annoyance, when Glorfindel happened upon his cousin. “Nice tree,” remarked Glorfindel. Haldir mumbled something under his breath that Glorfindel did not quite catch, so Glorfindel just nodded. “Have you seen Erestor this afternoon?”
Another curse, this one fairly audible left Haldir’s lips. “Elrond is stitching up a cut on his hand. Nothing serious.”
“Of course not. Any time you need to get the resident healer involved, it cannot be too serious.” Glorfindel watched Haldir for some other reaction or comment, but when none came, he looked up to the spot that Haldir was staring at. “Should I even ask what happened?” He had noted that one of Erestor’s favorite robes was wadded up on the ground near the tree, and Haldir’s clothes had grass stains on them, not to mention a little blood (which he assumed to be Erestor’s).
“Squirrel,” was the only answer Glorfindel received.
“Oh.” Glorfindel had turned his head to look at Haldir as he said this, which happened to be the exact time that a large nut came flying towards his head. The blond, without even looking, reached upwards and caught the object in his hand, crushing it a moment later by simply squeezing it. “Walnut. My favorite,” he said as he opened his palm.
Haldir blinked. “How did you—“
Glorfindel shrugged, and began to pick through the debris, munching on the edible pieces. “Do I really need an explanation? I mean, you know who I am, right? Balrog slayer, nazgul scarer... I am actually surprised that you are being bested by a squirrel.”
Haldir narrowed his eyes. “Funny, the way I remember the story, your squirrel bested you, too.”
“My squirrel?”
“By squirrel, I mean balrog.”
Glorfindel narrowed his eyes in return. “I was going to offer to share this with you, but now you can get your own.” A second nut flew out of the tree. Glorfindel caught it and frowned. “You have any more walnuts up there?” A little chattering noise followed. “No, I hate pecans. How about almonds?” A light colored nut shot down. Glorfindel caught this one, and tossed the pecan back up. “Thanks.” He started to walk away, but Haldir stopped him.
“How did you do that? You were not speaking in squirrel talk!”
“Squirrel talk?” Glorfindel looked at Haldir as if he had grown a second head. “This is not Middle-earth, Haldir. The squirrels in Aman can understand us.”
“But...” Haldir shook his head. “That makes no sense!”
“Because you speak Sindarin. Try it in Quenya.” Glorfindel cracked the almond between his thumb and index finger, then tossed the nut up into the air and caught it in his mouth. “Oh, and watch out.”
“Watch out for what?” A split second later, a hazelnut smacked Haldir in the side of the head.
“That.” Glorfindel tossed the shells into the damp grass and leaves that were on the ground and called out, “How about one for the road?”
A single almond launched from the tree. Glorfindel had to back up a little in order to grab it, but he still managed to, and cracked it with his bare hands as he walked away.
“How in blazes does he do that?” wondered Haldir. The former warden looked up at the tree. “For that matter, how do you do that?”
He swore he heard the squirrel laugh at him.
“Look, as soon as Erestor gets back, he and I are going to get a ladder. We are going to tear off every single leaf from this tree to get to you if we have to!” Haldir considered what he had just said. “Actually, that sounded a lot better when I was angrier... oh, wait, Quenya, not Sindarin.” He then repeated his entire statement, but in Quenya, then waited for a reply – which came in the form of a pecan. This time, he managed to dodge out of the way.
“How is it going?” Erestor approached, his left hand wrapped in linen and held close.
“Glorfindel just helped the squirrel make me look stupider. By the way, he was looking for you.”
“The squirrel?”
“No, Glorfindel was. The squirrel is a girl, remember?”
“Oh, right.” Erestor gave the approximate area of the tree he believed the squirrel to be in a harsh look. “Elrond refused to let us bring the ladder out here. Something about not wanting to have to set any broken bones tonight.”
With a look of determination, Haldir set his hands upon his hips again. “This is not over. There must be another way for us to conquer this foe.”
Sometimes, when he still doubted the fact he was Haldir’s father, Erestor only needed to remember how stubborn his son was, and all uncertainties dissolved like mist on a sunny day. “We could... burn it down. We could chop down the tree; Gimli would only too happily help us with that.”
“There has to be a way to take care of that damned critter without hurting the tree,” said Haldir.
“I thought you knew how to talk to trees,” recalled Erestor.
Haldir nodded. “I would have talked to this one, but he has been taking a nap.”
“All day?”
“All year. Trees never do anything quickly.”
“Indeed.” Erestor looked the tree up and down. “We could put a cat up there, and hope it gets your squirrel before the squirrel knocks it unconscious. I am uncertain of how humane that would be for the cat.”
The latest idea caused Haldir to smile smugly. “A cat... perfect. There are cats in the barn.” He gave Erestor an expectant look.
“I suppose you are nominating me to go and get one,” he assumed.
“You are already injured. Those barn cats are biters, and their claws are very sharp. Besides,” added Haldir. “You talk to animals. Maybe you can just lure one over here.”
“A cat? I think not. You do understand that animals all speak their own languages, right? I might be old and learned, but I cannot speak to every single species. Especially not cats – they guard their language with a fierce amount of secrecy. They hardly even speak to each other!”
“I just assumed... I mean, cats are so common,” added Haldir.
Erestor sighed. “I will be right back.”
It was twenty minutes before Erestor returned, holding a hissing, spitting cat in his outstretched arms. He was now sporting a number of angry scratches along his arms, and a few across his neck. “I do hope this works,” he said sincerely as he reached up and placed the cat on the tallest branch he could reach.
The cat yowled twice before realizing it had been released. An almond was loosed as a warning shot, hitting the leaves near the cat. With a sudden jerk, the cat crouched down, glanced around, and then leaped to the ground – and kept running long after Erestor and Haldir gave up chasing it.
“I am so tired,” admitted Haldir as they watched the cat bound beyond the barn and down to the pasture where the goats were meandering. He sat down in the grass, and Erestor sat down beside him. “Of course, if I take a nap, that means listening to that THING throwing stuff at my window.”
Before Erestor could come up with a suitable response, something hit him in the back of the head. “Oh, honestly!” He picked up the pecan that was on the ground and rubbed his head. “This is getting ridiculous! We must be, what, a quarter kilometer away!”
“Someone needs to recruit that squirrel for their rugby team.”
After a moment of shared laughter, Erestor patted Haldir on the back. “There is one good thing about having parents who live in different houses, you know.”
“What would that be?”
“I have never had a problem with psychotic squirrels at my cottage,” said Erestor. “I still have shared custody despite the fact you are over three thousand years old, right?”
Haldir laughed. “Four thousand, but who keeps track? Let me go grab a few things.” He stood up and started to jog towards the house. Haldir stopped and turned back around. “Hey, and uh, thanks for your help, Eres—er, um, Ada.” It still felt a little weird to use the term for Erestor, but Haldir was getting used to it, and hoped it was what his old mentor wanted.
If the smile on Erestor’s face was any indication, it was. “Go on, then. I will wait for you right here.”
A little while later, as Erestor sat in the grass watching the sun set, he heard someone approach from behind him. “There you are. Did you manage to catch your squirrel?”
“The squirrel is not mine, and no. The quest failed. We have given up, and are going to head back to the cottage. He is tired, and I am frustrated that a squirrel managed to best us both,” explained Erestor.
“Sounds like an adventure. Sorry I missed it.” Glorfindel gave a sharp whistle, and a rustling came from the tree. As an almond sailed through the air, Erestor shook his head. The nut was caught by Glorfindel, and he opened it as he had with the others.
“Stop encouraging her,” insisted Erestor when Glorfindel whistled again. “Besides, that is her stash for the winter.”
Glorfindel chuckled. “You do know that is one of Gildor’s trained pets.”
“I do now! Why did you not tell me?”
“I was going to, as soon as I found you. And, here you are – oh, Erestor, I have news for you about the squirrel that is vexing Haldir.”
“Go... climb a tree,” muttered Erestor.
“It can juggle, too.”
“Well, tell it to get out of that tree by tomorrow or it becomes an ex-juggling squirrel,” suggested Erestor. “Now, if you will excuse me—wait, it can really juggle?”
Glorfindel cracked a smile. “No, I just wanted to see how long you would buy that. Well, have fun, I promised Gildor I would capture his runaway squirrel and bring her back.”
“Good. Haldir will be thrilled.” As an afterthought, Erestor added, “Would you mind asking her not to throw anything at the house, just in case she ever escapes and ends up here again?”
“Sure, but I doubt that would do much good,” said Glorfindel.
“Oh. Still going to throw things no matter what, then?”
Glorfindel shook his head. “No. She does not throw them. She kicks them. I suppose if you had asked her to stop kicking them at—“
“Go away. Go now, or I am liable to kick YOU.”
“As you wish.” Glorfindel strolled away towards the tree. “By the way,” he called out to Erestor, “there is a cat that is very pissed off at both of you. He was plotting against you; something about a dead bird on your pillow. You might want to sleep with your bedroom windows closed tonight.”
Erestor looked over his shoulder and blinked incredulously. “The cat told you that?”
“He was telling anyone who would listen.”
“But how did you—“
“All these years of knowing me, and you still have to ask?”
“Never mind,” mumbled Erestor. “Just make sure that squirrel is out of that tree by morning.”
Glorfindel smiled, the mischief in his eyes hidden from Erestor once he had turned around. “But of course.”
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Date: 2009-12-03 12:22 am (UTC)