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Now this is what I'm talkin' bout
Nov. 7th, 2004 01:50 amJust some late night fun... beyond the quiz is a little piece I like to call 'Confessions of a not gay fan boy'
So, as an online author, now and then I have the privledge of talking in depth with those who read my works or those who have talked to those who have read my works. Now, I won't reveal names, and this is a retelling of someone else's retelling, so I do not guarantee accuracy.
Basically, there is a gentleman (who is, as he points out profusely, not gay) who reads my stories about elves and elflings and likes them a lot. This person is known by his fellow rpg-ers as a tough guy, a kicks ass and forgets names 'cause they're all gonna be dead sorta fellow. Who reads stories about little elflings climbing trees and going on adventures. My stories, mind you, he is particular in his good wholesome fluffiness.
A long while back, it was mentioned to others (I have never spoken with this fellow, apparently I'm scary, more in a Galadriel I have power fear me way than a I'm a nasty wizard arrr way, so I'm cool with that) that he just couldn't understand that I had Legolas and Haldir together. Now, mind you, this was pre-Elodien, and pre-Ress&Fin (Fin was supposed to stick with Gildor, but you know how muses are). Apparently, the slash was a squicky thing for him, and I can respect that. But now, I present to you, dear readers, 'Confessions of a not gay fan boy' Enjoy.
Fanboy: I've been thinking...
Nibbler: What?
Fanboy: If I were gay - but I'm not - I guess I'd do Legolas.
Nibbler: WHAT?!
Fanboy: But I'm not.
Nibbler: Wait, what? I know that. Why are you saying that? What are you talking about.
Fanboy: If I were Haldir, I'd have sex with Legolas.
Nibbler: 0_0
Fanboy: He's good looking. And if I were Legolas, sex with Haldir would be okay. He has a nice voice.
Nibbler: So you like Haldir's voice, do you?
Fanboy: Yeah, it's a good voice. But this is all hypothetical. I'm not gay so it doesn't matter.
Nibbler: Then why are you bringing it up?
Fanboy: Nevermind.
-Pause-
Nibbler: What about Glorfindel?
Fanboy: Oh, yeah. Anybody who can slay a balrog, sure. But not Erestor. He's creepy.
Nibbler: Oh. Okay.
Fanboy: And not Celeborn. I don't want to do anyone who would be the queen. But I would do Thranduil.
Nibbler: Huh? Okay, whatever. What about Elrond?
Fanboy: No.
Fanboy: Well, maybe.
Fanboy: Did you see Priscilla? That guy's got nice legs.
Nibbler: LOL
Nibbler: How about Rumil?
Fanboy: No, not Rumil. He's too pretty.
Nibbler: But that would make him more like a girl then.
Fanboy: Oh, right. Then I'd do him, too. But, it doesn't matter, because I'm not gay, and really I wouldn't.
Nibbler: So, just elves then.
Fanboy: No, I'd do Aragorn. But only before he was king.
Nibbler: Why before?
Fanboy: Because it would be weird with the crown.
Nibbler: Uh, if you're having sex with Aragorn, I don't think he'd have the crown on.
Fanboy: Sure he would.
Fanboy: If I were king, I'd wear my crown all the time.
Fanboy: Even during sex.
-Pause-
Fanboy: I bet Thranduil wears his crown during sex.
Nibbler: He doesn't have a crown, he has leaves and berries.
Fanboy: Right. It's still a crown and he still wears it during sex.
Fanboy: And I'd do Faramir, but not Boromir.
Fanboy: Oh, and you know Gollum?
Nibbler: I think you should stop right there.
Fanboy: No, we're pretending I'm gay, not desperate.
Fanboy: I would NOT do Gollum.
Nibbler: Thank God.
Fanboy: But I would do Smeagol.
Fanboy: Hobbits are okay.
Fanboy: But not Frodo. Sam I'd do.
Nibbler: Why Sam?
Fanboy: Because he's sensitive. And he can cook. Merry and Pippin would be okay, too. But not Frodo.
Nibbler: Okay, not Frodo.
Fanboy: Hypothetically.
Nibbler: Sure.
Fanboy: Because I am NOT gay.
Fanboy: You're not going to tell anyone about this, right?
Nibbler: ....
Apparently there was more regarding pizza and leaving dirty dishes around, but I'm getting sleepy.
Until next time, I remain,
-Zhie, just telling it like it is
So, as an online author, now and then I have the privledge of talking in depth with those who read my works or those who have talked to those who have read my works. Now, I won't reveal names, and this is a retelling of someone else's retelling, so I do not guarantee accuracy.
Basically, there is a gentleman (who is, as he points out profusely, not gay) who reads my stories about elves and elflings and likes them a lot. This person is known by his fellow rpg-ers as a tough guy, a kicks ass and forgets names 'cause they're all gonna be dead sorta fellow. Who reads stories about little elflings climbing trees and going on adventures. My stories, mind you, he is particular in his good wholesome fluffiness.
A long while back, it was mentioned to others (I have never spoken with this fellow, apparently I'm scary, more in a Galadriel I have power fear me way than a I'm a nasty wizard arrr way, so I'm cool with that) that he just couldn't understand that I had Legolas and Haldir together. Now, mind you, this was pre-Elodien, and pre-Ress&Fin (Fin was supposed to stick with Gildor, but you know how muses are). Apparently, the slash was a squicky thing for him, and I can respect that. But now, I present to you, dear readers, 'Confessions of a not gay fan boy' Enjoy.
Fanboy: I've been thinking...
Nibbler: What?
Fanboy: If I were gay - but I'm not - I guess I'd do Legolas.
Nibbler: WHAT?!
Fanboy: But I'm not.
Nibbler: Wait, what? I know that. Why are you saying that? What are you talking about.
Fanboy: If I were Haldir, I'd have sex with Legolas.
Nibbler: 0_0
Fanboy: He's good looking. And if I were Legolas, sex with Haldir would be okay. He has a nice voice.
Nibbler: So you like Haldir's voice, do you?
Fanboy: Yeah, it's a good voice. But this is all hypothetical. I'm not gay so it doesn't matter.
Nibbler: Then why are you bringing it up?
Fanboy: Nevermind.
-Pause-
Nibbler: What about Glorfindel?
Fanboy: Oh, yeah. Anybody who can slay a balrog, sure. But not Erestor. He's creepy.
Nibbler: Oh. Okay.
Fanboy: And not Celeborn. I don't want to do anyone who would be the queen. But I would do Thranduil.
Nibbler: Huh? Okay, whatever. What about Elrond?
Fanboy: No.
Fanboy: Well, maybe.
Fanboy: Did you see Priscilla? That guy's got nice legs.
Nibbler: LOL
Nibbler: How about Rumil?
Fanboy: No, not Rumil. He's too pretty.
Nibbler: But that would make him more like a girl then.
Fanboy: Oh, right. Then I'd do him, too. But, it doesn't matter, because I'm not gay, and really I wouldn't.
Nibbler: So, just elves then.
Fanboy: No, I'd do Aragorn. But only before he was king.
Nibbler: Why before?
Fanboy: Because it would be weird with the crown.
Nibbler: Uh, if you're having sex with Aragorn, I don't think he'd have the crown on.
Fanboy: Sure he would.
Fanboy: If I were king, I'd wear my crown all the time.
Fanboy: Even during sex.
-Pause-
Fanboy: I bet Thranduil wears his crown during sex.
Nibbler: He doesn't have a crown, he has leaves and berries.
Fanboy: Right. It's still a crown and he still wears it during sex.
Fanboy: And I'd do Faramir, but not Boromir.
Fanboy: Oh, and you know Gollum?
Nibbler: I think you should stop right there.
Fanboy: No, we're pretending I'm gay, not desperate.
Fanboy: I would NOT do Gollum.
Nibbler: Thank God.
Fanboy: But I would do Smeagol.
Fanboy: Hobbits are okay.
Fanboy: But not Frodo. Sam I'd do.
Nibbler: Why Sam?
Fanboy: Because he's sensitive. And he can cook. Merry and Pippin would be okay, too. But not Frodo.
Nibbler: Okay, not Frodo.
Fanboy: Hypothetically.
Nibbler: Sure.
Fanboy: Because I am NOT gay.
Fanboy: You're not going to tell anyone about this, right?
Nibbler: ....
Apparently there was more regarding pizza and leaving dirty dishes around, but I'm getting sleepy.
Until next time, I remain,
-Zhie, just telling it like it is
