Link to fic at OEAM
May. 2nd, 2010 06:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zhie"Hollin" written for April OEAM challenge; Bunniverse compatible:
http://community.livejournal.com/oeam/58786.html
And also, ficlet that made three-way tie at LJ middleearth game... prologue of LOTR rewritten from Feanor's POV (total crack):
Right, Lord of the Rings. Apparently, you need an introduction. And since I’ve nothing better to do here in the Halls of Mandos, I suppose you think you can just come here and bother me about it.
Fine, then, but only because Celebrimbor is my grandson. You would think with seven children more than one of them might have procreated, given their old man further progeny, but no. At least Curufin did; I always knew I liked that boy best of them. So according to what everyone who keeps popping in here has told me, my grandson felt like following in his grandfather’s footsteps. But instead of something grand like the silmarili, or something useful like the palantiri, he made some rings. I’m sure he didn’t even use mithril for the bands, and from what I have been told by those who observed them, they were fairly inadequate stones in comparison to the jewels I fashioned. Back in my day, we did not even think to present anyone with a gem less than fifty carats. Since no one was even aware of the fact that Ereinion, Artanis, and Cirdan were each wearing one of these fancy pieces of jewelry for a very long time, I can only assume that he was using inferior stones to produce those pieces.
So really, it’s no wonder that Morgoth’s half-witted underling managed to killed so many people and create his own powerful piece of costume jewelry, only to have it chopped from his hand, taken away, dropped into a lake, found by a hobbit, and hidden in a cave, to be carelessly dropped, and found by another hobbit.
Now. Let’s get one thing perfectly clear. I might have been... slightly agitated... due to my father’s murder, and I might have made a few minor errors in judgment over the course of my very short time as Noldorin High King. However, had the Valar thought to release me before this nonsense got out of hand, I can assure you that I would have been much more effective in Middle-earth preventing the spread of evil that was going on than anyone they currently have on hand for the situation. I win against anyone who is there – name someone, go ahead, I dare you.
Galadriel? My niece, Artanis? She lives in a tree. A tree. You would think, seven thousand years, she might have paid off the mortgage and bought a real house. Based on her fiscal intelligence, I certainly do not wish to put her in charge of the forces of good.
Elrond? He has more party crashers than a hobbit birthday celebration. People keep coming to his house with dangerous things, so what does he do? He calls councils, and then names them after himself. Egotistical, much? For the record, I never called the silmarili ‘Feanor’s Silmarili’ or the palantiri ‘Feanor’s seeing stones’ or any of that rubbish. Historians are always muddling things up like that. But Elrond? Can you really trust a guy who names his secret house with the directions to get there?
One more, hit me with your best shot. Glorfindel? Really? The Elf who couldn’t even get his own role in the Bakshi film? Really? I heard he bombed his screen-test for this movie, too.
Next thing you’ll tell me is that the prologue is titled ‘Concerning Hobbits, and other matters’, and that some drunken steward in Gondor has his greasy fingers on one of my palantiri. Oh... it is? And... his name is Denethor?
Huh.
I suppose Artanis has been letting you look into her mirror again, hasn’t she?
http://community.livejournal.com/oeam/58786.html
And also, ficlet that made three-way tie at LJ middleearth game... prologue of LOTR rewritten from Feanor's POV (total crack):
Right, Lord of the Rings. Apparently, you need an introduction. And since I’ve nothing better to do here in the Halls of Mandos, I suppose you think you can just come here and bother me about it.
Fine, then, but only because Celebrimbor is my grandson. You would think with seven children more than one of them might have procreated, given their old man further progeny, but no. At least Curufin did; I always knew I liked that boy best of them. So according to what everyone who keeps popping in here has told me, my grandson felt like following in his grandfather’s footsteps. But instead of something grand like the silmarili, or something useful like the palantiri, he made some rings. I’m sure he didn’t even use mithril for the bands, and from what I have been told by those who observed them, they were fairly inadequate stones in comparison to the jewels I fashioned. Back in my day, we did not even think to present anyone with a gem less than fifty carats. Since no one was even aware of the fact that Ereinion, Artanis, and Cirdan were each wearing one of these fancy pieces of jewelry for a very long time, I can only assume that he was using inferior stones to produce those pieces.
So really, it’s no wonder that Morgoth’s half-witted underling managed to killed so many people and create his own powerful piece of costume jewelry, only to have it chopped from his hand, taken away, dropped into a lake, found by a hobbit, and hidden in a cave, to be carelessly dropped, and found by another hobbit.
Now. Let’s get one thing perfectly clear. I might have been... slightly agitated... due to my father’s murder, and I might have made a few minor errors in judgment over the course of my very short time as Noldorin High King. However, had the Valar thought to release me before this nonsense got out of hand, I can assure you that I would have been much more effective in Middle-earth preventing the spread of evil that was going on than anyone they currently have on hand for the situation. I win against anyone who is there – name someone, go ahead, I dare you.
Galadriel? My niece, Artanis? She lives in a tree. A tree. You would think, seven thousand years, she might have paid off the mortgage and bought a real house. Based on her fiscal intelligence, I certainly do not wish to put her in charge of the forces of good.
Elrond? He has more party crashers than a hobbit birthday celebration. People keep coming to his house with dangerous things, so what does he do? He calls councils, and then names them after himself. Egotistical, much? For the record, I never called the silmarili ‘Feanor’s Silmarili’ or the palantiri ‘Feanor’s seeing stones’ or any of that rubbish. Historians are always muddling things up like that. But Elrond? Can you really trust a guy who names his secret house with the directions to get there?
One more, hit me with your best shot. Glorfindel? Really? The Elf who couldn’t even get his own role in the Bakshi film? Really? I heard he bombed his screen-test for this movie, too.
Next thing you’ll tell me is that the prologue is titled ‘Concerning Hobbits, and other matters’, and that some drunken steward in Gondor has his greasy fingers on one of my palantiri. Oh... it is? And... his name is Denethor?
Huh.
I suppose Artanis has been letting you look into her mirror again, hasn’t she?
